she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
