afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize