This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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