I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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