if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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