I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
