I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Couch. On fire.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
