The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
