I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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