my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize