Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
