What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
