Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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