i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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