I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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