So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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