I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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