what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
