Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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