If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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