Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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