If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
