I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
