I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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