john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
