I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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