The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize