So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
