You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
