He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My feet surprised me
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
