I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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