the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
