I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just gargled with NyQuil
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He did a backflip because drugs
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
