On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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