he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
