do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
