we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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