Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
