somebody snuck up and got me drunk
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
