i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
