My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
