That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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