I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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