when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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