How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
