i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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