My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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