i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
