drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
