I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
