apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
