The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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