is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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