too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
