You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
