yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
