you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
