Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
