WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
