You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
