Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
