Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize