I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
