4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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