drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I need to calm my uterus...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
