Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
