so explain again why im purple
no
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
