Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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