You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
