Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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