i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
